In news just in it has been reported that, contrary to some fears, Jesus will NOT in fact be resigning from his church this morning, 24th August 2014.

A spokesman from KOH issued the following statement:

Jesus wants to remind people that his claim that he will build his church upon his kingship and that the gates of hell will not prevail against it, are not in the fine print, but are in fact central to his agenda. There will be no resignation forthcoming. He is aware that some, if not many, under shepherds will in fact resign and have indeed done so in the past for a variety of reasons.

However, he wants to take this opportunity to remind those who belong to his church that HE is the head of the church and whatever resignations do indeed take place today, his headship is indisputable and eternal.  

When pressed for further comment the KOH spokesman said that Jesus will not be making an appearance until his Father so decides, but up until that point the church’s doors will be open.

He concluded his statement saying:

I would also point out that Jesus, apart from his church role, is also upholding the universe by the word of his power, so multitasking is one of his many strengths.