1. Lovely thoughts, and I can definitely relate. Although I have learned that there is another reason for the failure for departing church members to have full open authentic conversations with us: sometimes our relational intensity sends messages that their personal decision will not be honoured. Through lots of little encounters we have conveyed the message that although we *say* ‘Talk to us, have authentic conversation with us’, what we *do* is so spiritualise and dominate these conversations that they don’t feel free in Christ to speak their mind and exercise their freedom.