Naughty Darebin City Council Won’t Be Getting Coal For Christmas

The late political cartoonist Bill Leak observed that his job was becoming more difficult each year because the parodies he once drew were becoming realities.  When cultural and political life is a joke, where do you go from there?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the parody of life that has become actual life: the inner Melbourne precinct of Darebin City Council, and its Christmas Carols event.

A little quiz for you. There’s no prize for getting it right, because I’m a grinch.

Did the Darebin City Council;

  1. Fail to call the event “Christmas” carols?
  2. Change the words of aforementioned non-religious-specific carols from references to Jesus, and salvation, to words that referenced climate change, and, er, salvation?
  3. Employ a “gender transcendent diva”/”non-binary trans femme” called Mama Alto to host the event?
  4. All of the above?

Eye-roll, face-palm, drum roll:  All of the above.

Yes that’s right.  In yet another parasitic move by a post-Christian secular crowd, Darebin City Council has declared its hand, and decided that the true meaning of Christmas or this ‘no-brand’ holiday, is actually about another religion altogether.

Now, to be honest, I have no beef with the science of climate change at all.  I’m convinced that the climate is changing and we’re playing a heavy hand in that.  And as those made in the image of God, and charged with stewarding the earth, we’ve allowed sin and greed to push us in terrible directions.

But it’s the religious zealots who are sucked into its backdraft that do my head in.  Perhaps that’s just proof that you can’t take something as big and meaningful and significant out of the framework and not expect something else to fill the void and claim that bigness, meaningfulness and significance for its own.

And the great irony is that the language and emotions of sin, transgressors and salvation all stay intact.  It’s just with the truly transcendent sucked out of it (unless of course in gender transcendence, which according to the flyer describing Mama Alto, the Darebin City Council does).

Look, I’m not one to foam and rant about Christmas being taken over by the pagans. Christians don’t have to buy in to it, and it always gives a good opportunity to present the gospel. That subtle takeover happened a long time ago.  But at least there was a certain level of acknowledge that there was only so much of Christmas that could hijacked.  The readings, carols and sermons would have to stay intact, even if you poured other meaning in to them.  No longer.

Couldn’t this new crowd of pagans at least come up with their own event if they’re going to provide even newer forms of worship? Why do they have to be so parasitic? Where is there creativity? Or is parasitic all that is left to secularism, which, as a friend observed, is merely a heresy of Christianit anyway, so it can’t come up with anything original?

Maybe they lack invention.  It seems like it at Darebin City Council. I mean, what about  coming up with something more strident, stringent and original, such as Wacking Day in the classics The Simpsons episode with that memorable hymn, “Oh Wacking Day, Oh Wacking Day”?

Better still what about the Costanza’s Festivus event from Seinfeld? It sounded like a real blast.

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But I suspect that even Festivus may have been a bit too jolly for the grim lot at Darebin City Council.  Check out the lyrics to these catchy numbers:

“O come all ye miners. Come and dig up Queensland. The Galilee’s waiting for your heavy machines. Where will you burn coal? Renewables are coming. It’s all about the ­climate, It’s all about the climate, It’s all about the climate that we must protect.” 

And how about this:

“Deck the State with solar panels. Fa la la la la la la la la. Energy from hydro channels. Fa la la la la la la la la. Don we now these protest banners. Fa la la la la la la la la. Stop the mines on lands of farmers. Fa la la la la la la la la.

Though why they didn’t retain the line “don we now our gay apparel” for the sake of Mama Alto’s sexual sensitivities, I’m not sure.

You can read the full report of the event here, by someone unfortunate enough to have to attend.

Though as I said, I guess we could look on the bright side:  It doesn’t matter how naughty the children of Darebin City Council have been this year, when they’re, er,  “woke” on Christmas morning, they won’t be getting coal.